Because both groups still think it is enough to be gay in order to be good. Maybe you like making your partner feel good. It's the safety of the Self-to-Self connection that allows the delicious surrender to the sexual process. My clients' faces and voices grow softer and more tranquil; they become more open and tender, able to explore their parts without anger, defensiveness, or dislike. Shirts that expose the midriff have to be freezing in this weather. No longer terrified, wounded victims, the Exiles began to exhibit their capacity for openness, innocence, sensitivity, and childlike pleasure. Mark said The Stud bombarded him with images of himself having sex in numerous hot and ingenious ways with his wife and other women, who panted and moaned in lusty abandon. Her father was looking at her in a funny way, once she was naked, his voice sounded different, and he trembled slightly. Her father was helping her undress to take a bath, and as she watched the scene play out, she could see something wrong about it. That's all it takes--he's off to the races. Try them, and you may. For the first time in her life, she was no longer trying to control every aspect of their sexual encounters and, instead, could let any part of herself spontaneously emerge in her body during their lovemaking. Healing Together After Mark and Stacey made peace with their inner exiles in private sessions and, consequently, were each less vulnerable and reactive to the other, I brought them together for a joint session. It felt more like an obligation or a chore than the expression of love it was supposed to be. Putting her hands up as if to push the entire subject away, she said the voice was really disgusted by the whole thing--sweaty, naked bodies, ugly, hairy genitals, revolting fluids, and ridiculous animal noises. But we've normalised prostitution. Because the lid had been on the pressure cooker for so long, and we were defined by sex, then in order to be truly, madly, deeply gay, we had to celebrate everything homosexual.