You condition your mind and your brain to have all these sensory experiences… in some ways, rough sex is one way of building more intensity. It seems to me that it's a bit hasty to presume you're incompatible at this point, especially since your relationship sounds otherwise fantastic and rewarding. We have to be pretty careful suggesting that any one way of having sex is more or less repressed, since that just isn't sound, and ideas about what is or isn't kinky or out-there also change with time constantly: Sexuality, in my mind, should be an extension of who you are as a person. Even Barbara Walters found time to weigh in. As well, if you haven't yet really been highly aroused and excited, and spending just as much time with sexual activities besides intercourse, that could also be some of why anything beyond very soft intercourse doesn't physically feel so great for you. I think I'm too much of a sensual pleaser for that. Even with the last exchange, you both seem to have listened to one another, really heard one another, and care about each other's feelings. Some choose not to, or do so seldomly, because they have found that doing other activities together works better for both of them or better helps them meet in the middle. It's pretty unusual for a person to ONLY like any one thing: But when their partner is, the pressure to forge that desire can run deep. Names have been changed Carrie Weisman is a writer focusing on sex, relationships and culture. Get more stories like this in your inbox, every day. But when it's almost scripted I'd rather not. He likes it rough and I want it gentle: But the BDSM franchise is out there, and has sparked a number of conversations regarding consensual rough sex and put a spotlight on the people who like it. To be clear, those participating BDSM activities that demand safe words and contracts still seem to fall in the minority.