So her brain just didn't do the same trauma response. They can become unmanageable, unwelcome for the man and for you. The essential thing is to keep reminding your partner that she is much more than a product of her painful past, that she has incredible potential and active possibilities to live a happy, meaningful life. Therefore, it may be specific sexual acts that trigger your partner to feel that she is reliving the abuse and to be flooded with shame, anger, sadness, and other very non-sexy feelings , or sex as a whole, or even hearing certain words, a certain tone, anything. When somebody has been hurt by a person they are supposed to be able to trust, it can be extremely difficult to take trust for granted in later relationships. Now, you're closer, there is more of a family and deeply emotional bond, and this may trigger the trauma response more. The answer, not surprisingly, isn't simple. The reason most people never talk about traumatic events, especially sexual abuse, is that it makes them feel ashamed. I have treated women who survived rape and later self-medicated with alcohol or drugs , and many of them also met the criteria for Major Depressive Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder , among other diagnoses. This might include problematic use of alcohol or other drugs, gambling, workaholism, over-exercising, overspending, over eating or consuming very little food, or having complex rituals around the quantity and timings of meals. Give her enough time to find out that you are truly committed to the relationship. My goal is to make a few points that could help you understand your sex or relationship partner better, and to help make the experience for the woman as comforting and soothing as possible. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.